My name is Emma. I’m 25 years old and live in the UK. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia 4 years ago after 2 years of trying to find a name for the pain I was feeling and being made out to be a total nutter that the pain was all in my head.
Like a lot of people, I had always been healthy. I took part in sports events and won small awards for running, throwing javelin and high jump, and have always been a size 8. Little did I know that my life was about to take a massive turn. I woke up one morning and felt in the worse pain I have ever felt in my life, and couldn’t get out of bed. My hips where “popping” and my hands where closing up so tight that i couldnt open them, I had no idea what was wrong and was actually quite scared. Trying to get a diagnosis was a complete nightmare and I went through 2 years of tests, feeling like I was going mad and that know one believed me because they couldn’t see it.
It stopped me from doing the simple things I always use to do and I see now that I took those things for granted. Before I got diagnosed I was in a wheel chair for a good part of a year and lost my job, I was training to be a child care practitioner, a job I had always wanted to do. I got through my first and 2nd year qualifications, but fibro struck when I was starting my third year. Unfortunately I couldn’t go on studying and working at the nursery any more, i wasn’t able to pick the children up and get on the floor every day all day to play games with them. That was it. I couldn’t believe I had to give up all my qualifications that I had worked so hard to get, it shattered me. Everything was changing and at this point I didnt know why.
The tests continued and finally I was told I have fibromyalgia. It was such a relief to know it had a name and that I wasn’t lazy, crazy and making it up which is how I was made to feel by so many. t I have a long turn partner that is very supportive and amazing, although the guilt I feel on a daily basis is hard to live with, I try so hard to keep quiet about the pain I’m in because otherwise i feel like I am constantly moaning… and that’s not fair on my partner, He always tells me to stop worrying and comforts me…bless him!
It’s pretty gutting that at 25 I feel trapped in an old lady’s body that’s on its way out. But i do always tell myself that there are people in this world a lot worse off than me. I’ve got the medication my doctor has given me, but try not to take it if i can help it because they are so strong the completely mong me out…and thats no life. I do currenlty work part time and i have finally found a day job that i can just about cope. But I still have my mornings where I can’t get out of bed, and so far my boss has been sympathetic and supportive although i do wonder how long that will last.
It is scary when you have a mortgage and bills to pay and worrying that if you can’t go in to work there’s no money coming in for me. My partner works full time but I can’t expect him to pay for everything, Him working full time plus overtime is still not enough to pay all the bills and mortgage alone.
The 2 things that have kept me going and have pulled me from this dark, drab hole of pain and loneliness is my strong family unit and my music. I’m a singer/songwriter in a signed band and i feel this is my outlet. Yes sometimes i have to cancel a gig and that is very frustrating, but this is my thing, my band, my baby and I’m not going to let fibromyalgia stop me anymore!
If you ever have any charity events I would love to help with my band in any way we can musically. I want to show people that they can find something to pull them away from the fibro life and mind. We can be happy even though on our toughest, saddest days it may seem hard and a million miles away.